Monday, April 26, 2010

Fun with German, Part 2

I figured it would be smart to split this post in two lest I unintentionally inflict or sustain any Repetitive Nerd Injuries by doing it all in one go. Here’s part two.

I mentioned in my previous post how you can find links between English and German all the time without even trying. I just noticed another one as I was typing the last paragraph. The Sound of Music was playing over my headphones and this lyric suddenly caught my attention:

Timid and shy and scared are you
Of things beyond your ken

I’ve never seen or used the word “ken” outside Sixteen Going on Seventeen, but I’ve known this song as long as I can remember, so I’ve always instinctively known what the word means. And just now, my brain did this: ken ---> kennen, the German word for “to be familiar with”. The world makes sense all of a sudden! Learning German as an English-speaker is like meeting your friend’s parents and suddenly seeing where all their quirks came from.

I guess it wasn’t too surprising to find all these links between English and German, but what did surprise me was how many links I found between Indonesian and German. That I wasn’t expecting. Indonesian is a real melting-pot of a language, a tasty sambal of Malay, Javanese, Sanskrit, Arabic and Dutch. As a schoolkid learning Indo, I immediately noticed all the Sanskrit influences, because I speak Konkani (sabun=soap, manusia=humanity, kursi=chair, perpustakaan=library…). Only when I moved here – actually, it was when I visited Amsterdam – did I start to realise just how many words Bahasa Indonesia has retained from Dutch colonial times. I don’t know Dutch, but it’s close enough to German that I recognised these:

  • Kammer –> kamar = room
  • Rauchen –> rokok = to smoke
  • Rechnung –> rekening = bill/receipt
  • Tasche –> tas = bag
  • Rock –> rok – skirt
  • Tante/Oma/Opa – aunt/grandma/grandpa

COOL!!!

Yes, I too wonder frequently how I manage to stand up straight with all this totally useless knowledge sloshing around my brain.

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I will leave you with my five favourite German words.

  1. Ohrwurm – This word is brilliant – there’s no one-word equivalent in English. It means “the song that’s stuck in your head”, but if you break up the parts literally it means “ear-worm”. Cute!
  2. Aufgepimpt – Classic Denglish. It’s the German word for “pimped out”.
  3. Vorkuhila – This is the German word for “mullet”. What’s quintessentially German about this word (apart from the fact that there seem to be a lot of people with mullets in Germany) is that it’s a contraction of “vor kurz, hinter lang” (short in the front, long in the back), which is an exact description of what the hairstyle is. This language does not mess around.
  4. Klugscheisser – The one reason I like this word is that it’s the only insult I know in German. The literal meaning is “clever shit”. Basically you’re calling someone a smartass.
  5. Rinderkennzeichnungs- und Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz – As I mentioned earlier, Germans like to put lots of small words to make a bigger word with a very exact meaning. That’s great, but sometimes the poor dears just don’t know when to stop. This monstrosity means “Cattle marking and beef labeling supervision duties delegation law”, and is actually the name of a real piece of parliamentary legislation passed in the German state of Mecklenburg-West Pomerania ten years ago. In case it’s too much of a mouthful for you, you can always refer to it by its abbreviation: RkReÜAÜG. Oh, those goofy Germans.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Fun with German, Part 1

I’ve always loved languages – I think that’s probably part of the reason I ended up writing code for a living. So one of the real joys of living in Germany for me has been learning German.

Deutsch is the fifth language I’ve tried to formally learn, but up to this point, learning languages had always been a completely theoretical exercise for me. Although I studied Indonesian for seven years at school, each planned class trip got cancelled due to the political upheaval in the ‘90s, so I still haven’t been! This is the first time I’ve been able to really immerse myself in a language, and that’s made it all the more satisfying.

I’ll never forget how much fun I had on my first trip to the supermarket in Germany. It was like jumping into a virtual reality computer game version of my German textbook. And reading your washing machine manual is so much more interesting when you have to figure out what a wasserhahn (literally, “water chicken”) could possibly be.

To me, Deutsch feels intuitive and nice in a lot of ways, and frustrating and weird in others. For a while now, I’ve wanted to write a completely and unashamedly nerdy post comparing German to all the other languages I’ve learned. So here goes.

Danger: Grammar geek-out ahead. Syntactophobes, beware.

German nouns have case, which doesn’t feel unnatural to me after studying classical languages. When you’ve had to memorise the twenty-four forms of each noun in Sanskrit (eight cases, plus  three numbers – singular, dual and plural), German’s four cases and two numbers feel pretty manageable. A lot of it is just recognising and repeating patterns, and absorbing the exceptions as you go along.

Gender is another fun adventure in Deutsch. In languages that have gender, once you move beyond the realm of people (boy, girl, man, woman), the assignment of gender to nouns is pretty much completely arbitrary. Some languages make it easier than others. In Latin, for example, you can tell the gender of most nouns from their ending  (there are certain suffixes like –a or –as that are always feminine, and others that are always masculine or neuter).

In German on the other hand, aside from a few benevolent exceptions (thanks, –ung!), there’s zero way to tell. The word for “door” is feminine (die Tür), but the word for “gate” is neuter (das Tor). (Oh, and just to make it trickier, the word for “girl”, mädchen, is neuter.)

There’s no particular logic involved, you just have to know your der/die/das. At first the idea of having to memorise the arbitrary genders of hundreds of nouns made me wonder if I should just throw in the towel and buy one of those lame electronic translators. But then I remembered that nouns in my mother tongue, Konkani, also have gender, and I use them without even thinking. So it’s just a matter of time before I get there with German… right? (I hope so, anyway.)

No, the thing I really wonder if I’ll ever be able to get my head around in Deutsch is the evil, evil phenomenon known as the separable-prefix verb. I swear these guys are the sneakiest SOBs I have ever met.

In English, we also have the concept of adding a prefix to a verb and totally changing what it means. For example, “to pose” has quite a different meaning to “to compose”. Similarly, you can add a prefix to a German verb, for example “hören” (to listen/hear) can become “aufhören” (to stop/quit).

Quite straightforward, you would think. Just a simple matter of vocabulary expansion, right? But the plot thickens when you find out that for many prefixed verbs in German, the prefix acts like a sulky toddler and always trails back at the end of the sentence.

Example: Ich höre mit dem Rauchen auf = I’m quitting smoking.

Basically, it’s not enough to know what aufhören means. When someone says a sentence like this, you have to follow along the entire sentence, and then they say one word at the end that just changes the meaning of the verb and causes you to have to go reparse the entire sentence in your mind. It can be really confusing. I wonder how many busking backpackers have travelled through Germany and thought someone was telling their friends to listen their the music, when they were actually saying “quit it with that music!”

I have to say, though, that on the whole, being a native speaker of English is quite a boon when you’re learning German. English is a Germanic language, so there are literally hundreds of words that are instantly recognisable – I/Ich, shoe/Schuh, house/Haus, chair/Stuhl, meat/Fleisch, better/besser… the list goes on. It means you can understand a lot of words by context and instinct that you may not have picked up on otherwise.

Since starting to learn German, I’ve noticed little things in English that surely must be a result of their common roots. Like the fact that back in the day when people used “thou” (which sounds quite similar to “du”, by the way), they would say “thou seekest the truth” or “hast thou forsaken me?” In German, the verb will almost always end in “-st” when the subject is “du”.

Of course, English has simplified a lot over the years and moved further and further away from German. We don’t say “willst thou order the Baconator or the Double Junior Cheeseburger Deluxe?” anymore. (Actually, I may be the first person to have ever uttered that exact sentence.) But these days the two languages are slowly starting to meet in the middle again – this time, with German absorbing more and more English. The word for mobile phone in German is Handy. At work, everyone refers to the overhead projector as the “beamer”. I’ve seen ads in the subway advertising deals for “Internet Surfen”. You really cannot escape Denglish living in a big city here.

I’m sure there are a lot of purists out there upset at this bastardisation of the language of Goethe and Kafka. I guess they can only rest assured (or not) that there’s always the option of relaxing their troubles away at the nearest Wellnesshotel (spa).

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Taking care of business

My little old apartment in Munich has several quirks. It’s in the attic, for starters, so the ceiling is all slanty. My washing machine is in the kitchen, and it spin-dries so vigorously that the plates drying in the dish stand clatter. Every square centimetre of the floor creaks, and just this evening my kitchen tap exploded off its fittings and hit me in the head while showering me with a cold spurt of frothing water. Oh, also, every window in the house except the bedroom is curtainless. HELLO, WORLD!

But nothing in Heim Der Urmi compares, in terms of sheer weirdness, to the toilet.

Here is a cross-section of a normal toilet (you’ll have to excuse my crappy MS-Paint skills). You do your thing, it falls into a deep pool of bog water, you flush, you’re done.

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And here is what my apartment toilet in Munich looks like.

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As you can see, there is a shelf separating the opening where the water flows in from the outlet where the water flows out. This is where all your business lands. The shelf is dry, and it’s only a few inches from your butt.

The negative consequences of this design are manifold. Firstly, it smells bad. Secondly, each time you use the bathroom, you have to stand there and flush up to half a dozen times just to get things moving. In the worst case, you actually need to steel yourself, make a ball of toilet paper, and give your poop a nudge in the right direction. And as you can imagine, being a dry surface, it’s an absolute beeyotch to clean.

When I first moved in, I thought there was maybe something wrong with the toilet. Perhaps it was something to do with my water pressure being low from living on the top floor of an old building. But then I noticed other toilets with the same bizarre design. It seemed that this shelf area was meant to be there, and it was meant to be dry.

Why, Germany, why? You’re the nation that gave us the automobile and the Christmas tree. How could you have allowed such an ill-conceived monstrosity into the world? Ok, I suppose you did also invent the Fahrenheit scale. I guess no-one’s perfect.

Tonight, after several months of putting up with this decidedly ahem, crappy design, I finally learned the method behind the madness. I was informed by my friend Julie, a long-time expat, that this was the way that Germans in past decades used to keep an eye on their health. The shelf provides a surface to clearly examine one’s stools for irregularities in consistency, shape, colour, and so on. Mystery solved!

To be honest, I have no idea how to read my stools. Is it like reading tea leaves, or reading tarot? Maybe there’s a course I can take at the local community college. I’m constantly amazed by how much less squeamish and prudish people seem to be about their bodies here. Kinda cool, really. I wish I were less so.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Où est la piscine?

So, funny thing happened the other day.

I wrapped up at work and set off from the office, as usual, on my bike. It was a bit nippy, so I had my hat and scarf on. I streamed peacefully down the bike lane, enjoying the evening air until I arrived at the bakery that I pass each day, halfway between work and home. I stopped in and grabbed some bread to go with what I was making for dinner. I was thinking some nice, simple, toasted white bread would be perfect.

And so out I walked with a nice baguette, tossed it in the basket of my bike, and continued on my way home.

It took me about 25 seconds to realise what I was doing. I was jauntily riding a red city bike down a dedicated cycle lane paid for by highly-taxed Europeans, wearing a beret and carrying a baguette in a paper bag. For about 10 minutes, I was Bret and Jemaine in Foux de Fa Fa.

(I would be so freaking obnoxious in a French supermarket.)

I would make the following minor tweaks to this scene to make it just perfect:

  1. I would be able to speak French
  2. I would have dress sense
  3. My scarf would be streaming out horizontally behind me in my jetstream
  4. I would be a smoker. Actually, I’ll leave that one be.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Life’s a beach and then you dye

(Rest assured: today’s slightly cryptic corny pun will be explained.)

Weeks after returning from Morocco, my feet still have the stripe of a sandal tan across them from wandering around the windswept seaside town of Essaouira. It’s a daily reminder of what a wonderful (but far too short) time I had there.

The central part of Morocco is not as well-serviced by trains as the north is, so bus is the only way to get from Marrakech to the necklace of seaside towns that drapes Morocco’s central Atlantic coast. When we went to the bus terminal to book our tickets, we were told that we could only book our return journey to Marrakech once we got to Essaouira. We soon realised that this was because the bus company keeps track of reservations by crossing off seat numbers in a single big bound notebook. And how could we possibly book seats for a bus whose big notebook was 150km away? Duh, silly westerners.

Our bus left Marrakech’s French quarter on a sunny afternoon, and we gazed out the window as we passed the palm stands of the swish neighbourhood of Palmeriae, kilometres of olive groves, and the towering forest of cranes cranking out new construction on the outskirts of the city.

Soon, we were out in the countryside, which spring had transformed into an aesthetically pleasing palate of colours. Low-slung mud-brick villages were scattered among lush fields exploding with yellow blossoms. The sky had that uninterrupted, dominating presence I’ve only seen in Alberta and Montana. Punctuating the gentle slopes were plucky palms and the odd flock of sheep. And no matter how tiny or remote the village, there was always a group of kids playing soccer in a field somewhere. It was a bit like watching a feel-good FIFA World Cup advertisement.

The only thing spoiling my bucolic trance at this point was the tinny bus radio spurting generic Beyoncé/Sean Paul/Lady Gaga songs throughout the three-hour journey. Why? Why?!

Finally, the bus came up over a crest and I got my first ever glimpse of the Atlantic. The sunset was turning the whitewashed walls of the medina bright orange as we pulled into the bus station at Essaouira. Porters milled around the cargo hold with metal barrows, waiting to relieve travellers of their loads – the town has a vehicle-free medina. The barrows looked big enough to hitch a comfy ride in. This guy was using his to catch up on some zzzz’s.

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The riad we stayed at in Essaouira was as amazing as the one in Marrakesh. There’s a line in the Morocco Lonely Planet saying that the term “boutique hotel” seems invented for Morocco’s riads, and I have to agree. Many of these old villas were tucked away forgotten in the back alleys of Morocco’s medinas for decades, neglected to the point of falling down. As the Moroccan government started to dole out generous tax incentives to foreign investors, European couples looking for a sea-change started to buy up these old ruins and restore them to their former glory, reopening them as B&Bs.

Each riad has its own feel to it, imbued by the taste of its owner. In this case, the aesthetic was Berber-meets-rainbow-abstract-art, which I loved.

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Early the next morning, we ventured out before dawn to watch the sun rise over the medina. In the tiniest of back alleys, shop owners were picking up the day’s supply of fresh bread right out of the clay ovens of local wholesale bakeries. At the fishermen’s docks, the old sea dogs were having a smoke and getting ready for a day out on the Atlantic. Mountains of tangled netting sat between the rows of colourful, upturned boats waiting on shore.

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Essaouira’s fisheries aren’t what they used to be – nowadays, the town lives off the tourism brought in by its World Heritage-listed medina. and the crazy Atlantic winds that draw kitesurfers from around the world to its beaches.

But at one point, the Mediterranean’s most powerful people – Numidian kings, Byzantine emperors, Roman senators – had their eye on this isolated little coastal fort. Why? Because the foam-drenched rocks along Essaouira’s shores were (and still are) home to a unique species of shellfish that were unwittingly worth their weight in gold.

Tyrian purple, that quintessential colour of nobility since classical times, comes from the secretions of a small predatory sea snail called the murex. Ten thousand snails produce little more than a gram of purple dye – enough to give a single robe just a trim of violet. Until I heard that fact, I never truly understood how extravagant it was that Cleopatra had the sails of her royal barge dyed purple.

(And now that you’ve read all that, you can go back and look at the title of this post again, and roll your eyes properly this time.)

But back to the present day, and our early morning walk around town. Essaouira is, as I mentioned, a walled city, and one of the cool things you can do is walk along the old, cannon-lined ramparts facing the Atlantic. You breathe in the fresh sea air, get rained on a little bit, and laugh at the little stray puppies play-fighting over bones. And thereafter, have The Star-Spangled Banner stuck in your head for the rest of the day: “O’er the raaaamparts we watched…”

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At lunchtime, we headed for the row of fish grills lining the beach end of Place Moulay Hassan, the main square that faces onto the fishing harbour. Here, a mediaevally-themed sign erected by Essaouira’s “Professional Association of Grilled Fish” states the going price for a seafood lunch.

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We wandered past the stalls and solicited prices from each of the vendors. There are half a dozen employees at each stall who rotate between working the barbie and stealing potential customers from neighbouring grill stands.

It’s a cutthroat business – there isn’t really much differentiating one stall from the other in terms of the food served. (That’s why, like the stall holders in the souks of Marrakesh, the grillmeisters of Essaouira have swotted up on as many languages as their brains can hold. The guesses as to my mother tongue tended to follow this order: “Buenos dias? Bon jour? Namaste? Salaam alaikum? Hello?”)

The competition’s great if you’re the customer, though, because for a paltry $5 or so, you are served up a feast of delicious grilled fish, seafood, salad and bread (and some stalls differentiate themselves by throwing in a bottle of Coke).

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It’s hard to explain what I liked so much about Essaouira. It certainly wasn’t what I was expecting. I thought it would be a touristy, beachy town, but the beach wasn’t actually that appealing – it was so windy, day and night, that walking there was more forced exfoliation than relaxation. There aren’t a lot of traditional touristy sights to see, and the medina doesn’t have the bustle and excitement of a big Moroccan city like Marrakech. No, what makes you fall for Essaouira is its relaxed, coastal vibe – the chilled outdoor cafés, the rustic, tumbledown buildings, the merchants pushing their barrows around the car-free medina like they’ve done for hundreds of years, and the friendly smiles of every single person you meet. All the while, the sun is ducking in and out of clouds like a confused meerkat, and the unending breeze bends the skinny palms in Orson Welles Square. Life just moves at a different pace around here.

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